Jack and Jill Adopt

A Mommy Daddy Blog

October 06, 2006

Reactions to the News

When I mention that we're adopting, the most common response is, "My cousin (sister, friend, acquaintance) adopted a baby!" It seems that everyone in the world is touched by adoption. I like the feeling that adoption is no longer a shameful secret. It's becoming a normal, acceptable way to build a family.

Most people I told assumed that we had experienced infertility. The adults were too polite to ask, but my students will say anything: "Can't you have your own kids?" Although the assumption that a child that I did not give birth to is not my "own" is hurtful, I am not offended when these kids say this. I know that they do not mean to be rude, it's just ignorance. I see it as an opportunity to educate them.

A comment that troubles me more is when people say, "Isn't he a lucky baby!" This really bothers me because I know the person who says it means it as a compliment. However, I do not think Kit is "lucky" to have us as his parents. No matter how you look at it, adoption involves tragedy. Kit has lost his first parents already. When we bring him to the U.S. he will lose his culture, his language, his roots and his sense of fitting in. I truly believe that his life with Jack and me will be better than growing up in poverty or living in an orphanage, but no one can deny that he will have to live with those losses.

One fourth grade student saw the picture of Kit that I keep on my desk.
"Who's baby is that?" He asked.
"Oh, that's the baby I'm adopting from Guatemala," I told him.
"That's so good of you!"
Some people seem to think that anyone who adopts is some sort of saint. I hardly think I am a saint! I just decided I wanted a child, and this was the way chose to do it. I will be a regular parent like any other.

I've gotten the "you're doing it the easy way" comment a couple of times from women who have given birth. Physically, yes, I'm getting off easy. Emotionally, however, I think the adoption process is probably just as demanding as giving birth. I can't really judge, because this is the only way I've done it, but I know the waiting is extremely hard for me. I am not a patient person.

Overall, the comments I've gotten have been overwhelmingly positive. People always seem excited and interested when they find out. I have not gotten any overtly hostile comments at all.

1 Comments:

  • At 10/10/2006 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My husband and I took turns...he stayed home when she was a bit older and the only thing that I had to get used to was the fact that he did things differently...so what if her clothes didn't match, she was fed and happy! Just kidding...he actually has a good eye for clothes but it was just about me adjusting and realizing that there was more than one way to go about things.

    You guys will find your groove. He did catch some heat (more like little barbs) from family/friends about being "unemployed" but because he acted so confident and sure about what we were doing (his response of "this is what is best for our family right now and we ALL do what is best for our families RIGHT?" usually shut them up. He eventually used to time to go back to school which means that we may "take turns" again in the future! I'm sure my family thinks we are nuts!

    That time is over but there are some great benefits that still linger. They are very close and because my daughter's temperament and mine are very similar (she's adopted...so it was a fluke that I'd end up with a mini-me,) when things get tense the fact that he was so active in raising her comes in handy to diffuse a situation.

    Anway...I'm rambling...just wanted to tell you that if you decide to do it that it can be a positive thing even if society still has issues with it.

    (got here from Dawn's blog) and since I can't remember my Blogger password/user combo I'll sign this!LOL

    Angela (www.mytripjournal.com/burningfuel)

     

Post a Comment

<< Home