Not Fostering
Kit turned 10 months old on Wednesday. That makes me really sad because I thought he would be home by 9 months. Since the school year is coming to an end, Jack and I started thinking about fostering. We were a little worried about the logistics, who would take care of our house and cats, paying bills, renewing fingerprints. Our two biggest fears were finances and having to come back to the US after fostering for several months. How could we send him back to the Hogar? As Jack said, if we decided to foster we would have to commit to it for as long as it takes, no matter what.
On Monday my parents came over to celebrate Jack's birthday. They expressed their concern that Kit is growing up and the potential for attachment disorders and delays in healthy development is increasing. They pretty much convinced me that we just have to do the best thing for Kit and not worry too much about saving money for the future. They also offered us any help necessary (except moving to our isolated, small, conservative town). So basically I decided to contact my agency and find out what we had to do in order to foster.
My agency's response was that they don't recommend fostering before a case is out of PGN. I was frankly flabbergasted. What's the point of fostering if you wait until PGN approval? Of course we would do that, but I want to start as soon as possible. Their reasoning against it is that the wait is unpredictable so
A. Parents will get bored
B. Hotels are expensive
C. Parents might have to go back to work
They also said that the director of the Hogar would probably not give us custody of Kit.
Ok. It's a good point about having to leave your child. That kind of disruption would be terrible for the attachment process. What made me really mad though, was the comment about boredom. It's not about the parents getting bored. It's about doing what's best for the child. I am confident that the Hogar is caring for Kit very well, but nothing replaces the love and care of family. I wouldn't feel as anxious if he was with a foster family. But orphanage care, no matter how good, does not provide a child with what he or she needs. It seems however, that there is nothing we can do. So we're planning a trip down for when Kit turns 1 and hoping for a call that we're out of PGN soon. We will go to foster him then.
On Monday my parents came over to celebrate Jack's birthday. They expressed their concern that Kit is growing up and the potential for attachment disorders and delays in healthy development is increasing. They pretty much convinced me that we just have to do the best thing for Kit and not worry too much about saving money for the future. They also offered us any help necessary (except moving to our isolated, small, conservative town). So basically I decided to contact my agency and find out what we had to do in order to foster.
My agency's response was that they don't recommend fostering before a case is out of PGN. I was frankly flabbergasted. What's the point of fostering if you wait until PGN approval? Of course we would do that, but I want to start as soon as possible. Their reasoning against it is that the wait is unpredictable so
A. Parents will get bored
B. Hotels are expensive
C. Parents might have to go back to work
They also said that the director of the Hogar would probably not give us custody of Kit.
Ok. It's a good point about having to leave your child. That kind of disruption would be terrible for the attachment process. What made me really mad though, was the comment about boredom. It's not about the parents getting bored. It's about doing what's best for the child. I am confident that the Hogar is caring for Kit very well, but nothing replaces the love and care of family. I wouldn't feel as anxious if he was with a foster family. But orphanage care, no matter how good, does not provide a child with what he or she needs. It seems however, that there is nothing we can do. So we're planning a trip down for when Kit turns 1 and hoping for a call that we're out of PGN soon. We will go to foster him then.
posted by Jill @ 4:00 PM
2 Comments:
At 6/01/2007 11:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
So incredibly upset to hear that your agency isn't supporting you in a very well thought out decision. It certainly is in Kit's best interest to have you foster him until he can come home with you. I hope that Kit is home very soon and this is all a moot point.
Love,
"M"
At 6/03/2007 11:22 PM,
Anonymous said…
So right now you are planning to just go for a visit, but you're hoping that he'll be out of PGN by then, and if so, you'll stay to foster. Did I understand correctly? (I don't know much about the adoption process there.)
Either way, Hooray! July is only a few weeks away!
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