The Agony of Waiting

It's so hard to wait! I never realized how hard it would be. I knew, intellectually, that we would have a hard time when it came to the 6-8 months from referral to travel, but I never understood what it would really be like. I think about Kit constantly. There is baby stuff all over the house, a crib in our bedroom, a high chair in the kitchen, pictures in the living room and of course the nursery which we just painted Slicker Yellow. Every time I see one of those things I just go crazy.

It's also really hard at work where I swear not a day goes by without at least 2 people asking me if I've heard anything. Of course I haven't heard anything you idiots! If I had, I would be shouting it out to everyone! We just had a week of for February break and I dreaded going back today because I knew everyone would ask. No fewer than 8 people asked me today, including 3 of my students! I almost wish I hadn't told anyone yet, but it is hard to keep a secret, and I want to talk about it when I feel like it. But it just makes the wait that much harder when I have to keep repeating, "No, nothing yet."

For those of you who are wondering (and of course I didn't post for two months out of laziness and anger at my slow dial up connection) we are currently in PGN which is the Attorney General's office of Guatemala. The typical stay in PGN is 6-12 weeks according to my agency, but of course many people are in longer. We have been in about 7 weeks. After PGN we will need Kit's amended birth certificate (does anyone else think it's just wrong that his first parents get deleted and we're put on instead?) and then an appointment with the US embassy and we can go! We'll probably get about a week's notice before we need to be in Guate!

By the way, thank you everyone for the wonderful comments on my last post! It's so nice that there are sympathetic people online, especially when you work with people who are, to put it politely, somewhat ignorant. I wish I had the balls to educate them.

Humiliation

I think I've mentioned that there are 4 pregnant women where I work. Well last Friday was J.'s last day before maternity leave so C (also pregnant) decided she wanted a picture of all the pregnant and "pseudo pregnant" (her words) women. I was pleased they wanted to include me, and I was happy to do it. It turned out that two of the pregnant women were out that day, so it ended up being only J, C, and me. Now for the humiliation. C insisted that I take a teddy bear and stick it up my shirt as a false belly. This just felt so wrong to me. I was embarrassed and felt like a little girl playing dress-up. I'm pretty shy and I don't like to make waves, so I just sucked it up and did it. I'm sure it made a funny picture, but I didn't like it. Also, can you imagine how agonizing it would have been if I had struggled with infertility or miscarriages? I think it was extremely insensitive of C. Lots of people just don't understand adoption.