Depression

I've had a hard week. I've really been depressed lately. The first thing that happened was I found out I did not get the new job I was hoping for. I really thought I would get it because they said I was one of their top candidates. I've just really been sad waiting for Kit. All I want to do when I get home from work is sleep. I don't feel like doing anything.

Then at the end of the school day on Wednesday something happened that put my suffering in perspective. A 16 year old student from our school died. He had cystic fibrosis. It was really a shock to a lot of us. It's always tragic when someone so young dies. He's been fighting this disease his whole life and trying to live a normal life, and now he's gone. I'm just imagining the horror his parents are going through. I don't know how they are going to handle it. The funeral is on Monday and most of the kids will go. I'm going to stay at school to help cover for other teachers who want to go.

Next week can only get better.

Update on Racism (Also a Potential Job)

The day after I got that racist email and sent my reply, who should I run into unexpectedly, but the woman that sent it to me! We both sort of gulped and looked abashed. She said, "I got your email but I didn't reply yet. I want to apologize." Then she quickly changed the subject. It's been a few days, and I have not received an email from her. However, the apology was appreciated. It was awkward, but I am glad that I responded the way I did.

In other news I had an interview for a job! The job is in the state where Jack and my parents live and it's a slightly more urban area. I think it would be a better environment for Kit. The job itself is also quite attractive to me. It is a middle school, which is an age that I particularly like. The interview went well, and they called this morning to tell me that I am one of the top candidates. I will hear next week after they have called references. If there are two top contenders they will visit us in our current schools. I'm hoping to hear one way or the other next week so I can avoid a potentially embarassing visit. What if everyone at school finds out I applied for a job and then I don't get it? My failure will be public. Anyway, I'll keep you all updated.

Racism

Today an acquaintance of mine sent me an email entitled "Proud to be White." I'm not going to post the content because I don't want hits from freaks. Basically the email was about how white people are discriminated against because we don't have White history month, or special college scholarships and that kind of bullshit. I was frankly apalled and disgusted by this email and could not figure out why my acquaintance sent it to me. I mean, she knows that I am adopting a Latino son.

I struggled for a bit about how to respond. As I have mentioned before, I am a pretty shy person. I wasn't sure how much of a fuss to make. Finally I came to the decision that I owe it to Kit (not to mention my own self respect) to protest this kind of thing. So this is the reply I sent:

I wanted to let you know that I was very offended by this email. I am speaking here as a human being but also as the (soon to be) mother of a child of color who will face discrimination and hatred in his lifetime. The email reeks of white privilege and a misunderstanding of what racism is. White people in this country have continually discriminated against and exploited people of color from the original inhabitants up to the current hatred of immigrants from Mexico. The majority of our culture is produced by and for white people. The majority of scholarships and other privileges go to white people. There is no need for special dispensation for whites because we already receive so many benefits. Our culture was founded on exploitation of people who are different. At times in our history this applied to Irish and Italian people as well. The only way to end racism is to accept all people. Setting ourselves up as “proud to be white” will only make matters worse.

I hope this email was meant as a joke or sarcastic comment. It would make me feel even worse to know that it was meant seriously. Either way, I have to ask that you don’t send me anything like this again.

I have not had a reply yet. I have to admit I'm dreading it a bit. Still, I feel like I did the right thing.

Another Freakin' Snow Day

That's right folks, we had another snow day today which led to this amusing incident:

I decided to trek down to the school so I could submit the yearbook which was due today (unhappily I am the advisor for that particular club). I pulled on my boots and felt an uncomfortable fold of cloth in the toe of my right boot. I took off the boot and reached into it expecting to find that the insert had bunched up or something. Instead, I pulled out a dead mouse! That's right, I had found the mouse my lovely cat had been torturing two nights ago. She must have flipped the poor thing's corpse into my boot and lost it there. When I pulled it out, the cat immediately pounced on it again and growled at me when I tried to remove it. After much chasing and an attempt to bribe the cat with a treat (which failed miserably) I finally tracked the mouse down under the bed and disposed of it.

Usually I'm as happy about a snow day as any other teacher, but I was unhappy about this one because it means I miss out on a free day later in the year. My school district schedules unused emergency days around our vacations and we were supposed to have four day weekend for Memorial Day. Coincidentally, this would give me Jack's birthday off from school. Now, however, I will have to work (unless Kit comes home before then).

Still, there was one unforseen benefit to this snow day. If we had not had it, I probably would not have put my boots on until next winter. And what a nasty surprise that would have been...

Entitlement

Before I get into my post, I just have to share the good news. We're back in PGN! This happened much more quickly than I thought it would, so I'm happy!

Now about entitlement. One of the things I like to do during the difficult waiting period is read about adoption. I read parenting books and also memoirs and biographies. There are TONS of these books out there! I really like reading them because they reduce the seemingly endless process to a few hundred pages. It makes me feel that there is hope and Kit will be home soon!

Anyway, I was reading Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption by Theresa Reid. I enjoyed the book, but there were some things that really bothered me. The main one was the author's sense of entitlement. I'm not talking about feeling entitled to raise and love your child, that is a necessary part of adoption. In this book, the author seemed to feel entitled to a child. She wrote as if the world owed her a child. And not just any child, a perfectly healthy little girl who looked just like her. She criticized her child's birth country and their adoption process. She seemed to feel that Ukraine should give her a child because they have children in need and she is a rich, successful American.

In my opinion, other countries do not owe Americans anything, least of all their most precious resource- children. We should feel privileged and lucky to be allowed to adopt a child from another country. As annoying and agonizing as the legal process can be, it is not our place to judge it. We are guests in this other country. They have the right to run their adoption process in the way they choose (if they have signed on to the Hague Treaty, they need to follow those guidelines but I don't want to get into that now).

Secret Blog Pal Gift!

I got my presents from my secret blog pal today! I got a bib that says "Sorry to have kept you all waiting" and a sweet yellow t-shirt that says "Our family: made in the USA with American and Guatemalan Parts." I love them! Thank you so much secret blog pal! I can't wait until Kit gets home to wear them! The bib really makes me laugh.

(I guess this means I need to get off my lazy butt and get a present for my pal!)

Roller Coaster

When I got home from school yesterday, I was feeling pretty down and depressed. I had been feeling this way for the last few days. Then I checked my email, and there was a message from the agency saying our previo had been fixed! That's all it took to make me feel better. We aren't back in PGN yet, but I'm still really happy because this previo got fixed more quickly than I expected. Maybe things will start moving again.

Last night I dreamed about Kit. We had him home with us and I was feeding him and changing his diaper. It was one of the best dreams I've ever had. Then the dream changed and we were still waiting for him so my mom bought us a Cabbage Patch Doll to help with the wait! I thought it was great in the dream, but it was a little puzzling when I woke up...